Getting back to the Grump.

Ray Massey
6 min readApr 19, 2023

Things that really annoy me are:

Influencers — HoodafekdodayfinkdayR?
They probably are: People who have Opinions but no knowledge or understanding to go with it.
People who pretend to be well informed when communicating with other people who are stupid enough to be paying any attention to them.

And some more:

People who think that their opinion is correct just because they have thought of one.
They are the same folk who assume that if you don’t agree it must be because you Just Don’t Understand.
These are People to whom it has never occurred, that other folk disagree with them precisely because they Do Understand, and they Disagree !
They are also the very same folk who just mindlessly repeat their one point because they are unable to expand or explain their views, and that’s apparently quite OK in their world?

People who think that Strikes are always wrong just because they may cause some inconvenience — Duh !!
People who are desperate to be offended on behalf of others.

People who pompously accuse anyone who goes on strike of wanting to damage our Country — when they themselves are quite ready to avoid paying ordinary taxes whenever they can. E.g. Cash in Hand is not a Viable National Economic Strategy!

People who demand their Voice is heard but cant be bothered to take part in the Democracy around them.
People who think we should always have Coalition government — like that’s ever worked??

Cyclists who think the pavement is always available as an alternative route.
Middle aged men in Lycra — Ughh just don’t go there.
People on bicycles who don’t believe that stopping at Traffic Lights or at a pedestrian crossings is an action which includes them.

People whizzing along on Electric Scooters where I walk — Ugh, GerroffDaPavement!
People whizzing along on Electric Scooters where I drive — Ugh, GerroffDaRoad!
The obvious fact that whizzing along on Electric Scooters is really good fun.

The next door cat who calmly comes in through the kitchen door cat flap to nick our own cats’ food.
Our 2 cats who just sit there watching while it eats their food.
Our 2 cats who seem unable to learn how to use their new and very expensive Microchipped cat flap.

Caution you may find this one to be somewhat insensitive:
Why are the recently deceased always described as having been wonderful individuals and a pillar of their community. And, if they were a younger person — that they were readily capable of lighting up the room and they always made everyone else happy.
Where are all the expressed memories of very annoying kids and particularly obnoxious people — don’t they pass away too?


People who walk slower than everyone else in very crowded places.
Folk who spread out walking along corridors and then look surprised/annoyed when you try to get past.
People who stop for a chat in the middle of a busy doorways and are oblivious of the rest of us trying to get round them.

Large groups of cyclists who act like its their right to block all the traffic behind them. Its just obvious that a ‘Peloton’ is not effective Traffic Management — especially on the country roads around where I live.

The Person at the front of the queue not moving froward when the Cashier says ‘Next Please’.
People in front of me who take forever to pay for their purchase using small change.

Adults who let others in to the queue in front of them — Grow up, you are not at school now.
Repetitive Pen clicking in quiet rooms and spaces — or anywhere!

People who have decided their pet cats and dogs should be vegetarian — why oh why oh why ?
People who can’t be bothered to train their dogs to behave properly around other people.

People who only drink bottled water because its ‘better’
People who will only wear ‘branded’ clothes because they think it shows that they are ‘better’.
People who always seem to be wearing tracksuits — what’s that about ??

Anyone who’s explanation of their job role just sounds like an excuse for obvious incompetence.
Anyone who works in a shop and uses the phrase “Are you alright there?” when greeting a Customer.
Anyone who says they are ‘dedicated’ to their job — that’s so very very suspicious innit ??

Here are some Patronising Woke Homilies from people who really should Get A F*****g Life !!
I found most of these in the Guardian newspaper:

‘When the climate crisis brings me to despair, I cultivate my inner connection to nature — and find hope’.
‘Today’s climate activist criminals are tomorrow’s heroes: silencing them is immoral’.
‘Letting thousands of poorer families into London Zoo for £3 has changed us for ever’.
‘We must call out the ecocide on our doorstep’.
‘Plastics touching our food may be making us gain weight’.

‘The chasm between Mothers and childless women is widening’.

‘Like praying, or any spiritual ritual, astrology is more about gaining a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you’

‘Reusable nappies scored worse in areas including marine eutrophication, freshwater ecotoxicity, mineral resource scarcity, marine ecotoxicity …………. ‘ WTF ??

An even more patronising piece of copy from a ‘Senior Historian’ at English Heritage, describing some Easter Holiday Festive activities:
“During the 20th century, on Good Friday, whole families would try to skip all day, eating hot cross buns to keep themselves going”.
Well now — I happily lived through a great deal of the 20th century and no families I know of ever behaved like that at Easter or any other time.
So HowdafekdiddiS “Historian” manage to observe these franticly skipping families, on Good Fridays during the last Century?
Or is it more likely that this is a prime example of Upper Middle Class condescension in describing what she thinks the Lower Classes could do to celebrate a deeply religious occasion who’s real meaning is obviously far too profound for them to understand ?

The following are contenders for the unprestigious 2023 “How pretentious can you get” Awards.
These are similar to the fine ‘Ignoble’ awards, in that the hope is these authors are headed for genetic oblivion.
The quotes here were offered as a response to the (‘definitely a wind up’) published question of:

“Are Rocks Conscious?”

‘This is not a legitimate question since all things are conscious. In the eco-arts and science of green switch natureness, since forever and before, nature is its wordless attraction (love) to begin life and dance it into being. Attraction is conscious of what it is attracted to, otherwise it would not know what to bond or attach to, moment by moment and grow to be our spacetime universe this instant where all things are attached and happen all at once. This means that all things are alive and are conscious since we are. It’s our stories that subdivide things.’
From Mike Cohen.

So HoodafekizzeeE ?

I am an associate professor of philosophy and leading proponent of panpsychism. We have been trying for several decades now to explain how consciousness could emerge from physical processes in the brain, and have got precisely nowhere. As a result, academic philosophers have of late been exploring an alternative approach to consciousness which turns this on its head: panpsychism. Instead of explaining consciousness in terms of matter, we account for the emergence of matter by postulating very simple forms of consciousness at the base of reality. This doesn’t entail that rocks are conscious, but it does mean that consciousness exists beyond the realm of biology.
From Philip Goff.
AnhoodafekizdizwundeN? You may also ask.
Well — Google will tell you about both of them.


People who expect that: Teachers; Emergency Workers; the Police; Social Workers; onlookers and the like, should know exactly what bad things other people are going to do — before they do them. Then they blame them because these fine folk did not ‘act’ quickly enough to prevent such bad things happening?

Anthropomorphising large organisations.
It is clear that: huge companies; international retail giants; global energy suppliers; etc, are not prescient entities and therefore do not have ‘thoughtful’ characteristics.
Consequently they can’t be labelled as having ‘awareness’ of anything.
So it follows that responses to our Global Ecological problems are resolutely Planet wide issues that are definitely not being lead by woke Retailers or happy Supermarket chains or friendly Oil companies — no matter what PR exercises they finance for themselves in evoking phantom ecological credentials.

Lastly — my fine Teenage Son and Daughter, who hear me but seem not to listen.

Be Well.



Ray Massey

Intelligent, sensitive, humorous writer — new to this stuff. Offering life comments and observations from a Grumpy Old Man.